Now then. I do a Google Search for the keywords, "marlow weather", right? It's the same search I've been doing for weeks. But I do it on my BlackBerry running on Vodafone.

My mistake.

What does Google do? It assumes I mean "Marlow, OK, USA", rather than the UK town.

Every other search I've done this week has been from a UK IP-connected device. So Google assumes Marlow UK and presents me the results. Except when I search from a Vodafone IP.

Rubbish. Come on Vodafone. Either you need to have a wee chat with Google and do some decent location context integration (hint: I'd pay more for a 'Google enhanced data service) or you need to supply your IP address ranges to Google so they can do it themselves.

Cash wise, if you can guarantee me an accelerated, prioritised and enhanced Google service, I'd pay something like 2-5 quid extra per month. 5 quid if you chucked in support for a lot of other popular key services like Facebook and Twitter.

I did my best to ignore page 12 of today's Evening Standard. But I just couldn't. Normally I'd just sigh and turn the page. Not today. Not when I've been doing all kinds of briefings with some mobile industry greats describing how they're working closely with mobile operators to help them push their innovation beyond today's perceived limitations.

Only this morning I was talking to Acision's man in APAC, Nathan Bell (VP Operations & Channels). He was telling me about how operators in Asia are increasingly changing the value proposition for their services and getting away from, frankly, selling commodity. For example: Quality of experience and class of service. One survey he quoted astonished one operator after they found their customers would pay more for a better data service. More on that soon -- I will have the interview written up shortly.

Which brings me to today's abomination. Here we have T-Mobile seeking to differentiate precisely the same offering as every other operator in the UK. The iPhone is already amongst the most controlled product set in the market so there's limited scope to change the specific offer parameters that Apple dictate. So they've decided to give you the option to change your bollocks booster.

Lovely.

Would you like unlimited texts this month? Or 'inclusive' landline calls? Or 'in network inclusive' calls?

Is that turning you on?

Has that got you running for the nearest T-Mobile store?

No. 'Fsck no!' as they say in the movies.

At the very least this will have one or two Londoners heading to T-Mobile instead of Orange this weekend. I feel for the product and marketing chaps at T-Mobile who have had to dump this one out into the market.

I'm in dream mode now. Here are some advertising messages I'd really like to see:

- At T-Mobile, we've prioritised our iPhone traffic so Facebook will load 28% faster than Vodafone, Orange or o2 customers with the same phone.

- At T-Mobile, we've peered directly with top sites like Google, Facebook and Yahoo. So your smartphone accesses those sites roughly 2-seconds faster than anyone else.

- At T-Mobile, we've upgraded our network with Nokia Siemens Networks cellular technology that, on average, will keep your iPhone's battery working 19% longer every day.

- At T-Mobile, if you put more than four devices on our network and spend over 100 pounds per month, all your UK calls are free. Everything. 0800, 0845, everything. For as long as you like.

- At T-Mobile, we've implemented data traffic shaping. That's a complex way of saying your Youtube clips load faster and in guaranteed higher quality than any other UK network.

- At T-Mobile, we've implemented a special priority data access plan for our most enthusiastic data customers: £29 per month gets you priority access on every one of our cell sites. So you'll always be first.

- At T-Mobile, we've worked heavily to protect your privacy whilst online. Use our network and we'll guarantee you'll never be a victim of domain spoofing. Further more, if you buy or £2.99 option, we'll also automatically firewall every mobile data connection you initiate. Which means you'll be safer online.

- At T-Mobile, we worry about the fundamentals: We have 28 people working 24/7 to make sure you will consistently get a better quality mobile phone signal, every time. No other network offers [some technology] to ensure your phone calls stay live. Which is why we'll re-fund your basic service plan fee if you experience a dropped call in any given month that was caused by our own equipment (and not the sub-standard technology of our competitors -- tunnels permitting)

- At T-Mobile, we've partnered with every leading venue, railway station and shopping mall to ensure you experience 100% connectivity when you need it most. Want more? Just £3 per month will ensure your calls are prioritised above our standard traffic. So you'll never, ever see 'network busy' again.

- At T-Mobile, we've done a deal to put a satellite-connected transmitter/Femtocell on every train in the UK. You'll always be connected.

- At T-Mobile, if you lose/damage your iPhone, we'll replace it within 8 hours anywhere in the UK, completely free of charge. Provided you commit to a four year on-going service fee. And the next iPhone (5) will be free too. In fact if you commit to an on-going 5-year deal, every phone you'd like will be free of charge and you'll qualify for a new one every year.

- At T-Mobile, we've configured our network so that if you have 3+ phones with us, you'll be able to use the same number on each one. For calls and texts. Absolutely transparently. No one else in the UK can do this.

- At T-Mobile, we guarantee we have the fastest possible data connection to the internet. We have 12x 1 gigabyte connections into our four UK data centres. That's five more than our leading competitor. Click here to see our live traffic register. We're the UK's biggest purchaser of bandwidth. No one, absolutely no one, is faster. (This would have me reaching for my wallet in milliseconds).

- At T-Mobile, we've integrated everything into one single point-and-click interface online. Everything. Geek? Good: You can do your own service provisioning right from our online control panel.

- At T-Mobile, we are always open. No questions. 24/7. Call us anytime and get us online via chat whenever you want. Period. We're here to help.

And then finally...

- At T-Mobile, we understand that some customers require an extra level of flexibility, which is why we're introducing the TMOGOLD service. Membership costs £1k to join and runs at a minimum of £150 per month for 3 years. Subscribers get all roaming costs (data and voice) waived. UK calls and texts are entirely free of charge. Data access is prioritised for all devices on the service plan. And you will have complete access to all of our ranged devices. Browse our catalogue of devices online for next day deliver. You may hold 2 devices at any time and change them as you wish. So you might have an iPhone for the full 3 years or change your phone(s) every month. You choose.

If only. Do you think we will see any of this kind of innovation at some point? Feel free to poke holes by the way -- and please do suggest your own innovations. What would you like to see?

I just resurrected my Shure earphones from the rubble that is the 'tech' corner in the Mobile Industry Review office. I managed to find some replacement ear-muff-things (the plastic bits on the end) and tah dah, I am now able to use them.

But, the earphone marketplace has changed since I bought these back in, I don't know, 2008. Therefore I'd welcome your recommendation on some good ones to buy.

What do you use?

And what do you use them with? I will primarily be using mine with an iPhone. Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

You'd have thought that as we are almost entering the year 2011, the UK mobile industry would have collectively got it's act together regarding text donations.

Alas no.

This ad is currently running on Southwest Trains and is aiming to raise money for 'Our Heroes' -- that is, the British Forces Foundation serving wounded troops.

The ad's headline reads 'Buy our heroes a drink' and encourages people to text 'heroes' to the 70099 shortcode which will cost £3 plus a standard network message. A good headline. Start with the average cost of a pint (or at least the cost most of us would like a pint to be) and then the £3 donation sounds eminently reasonable.

The ad's footnote points out that at least £2.67 of your £3.00 will go to the Foundation. The rest of the £0.33 goes to the networks and the service providers. Shame on them. It's downright ridiculous that text donations aren't subject to some kind of fixed nominal fee -- 5p or something like that. 33p is simply crazy. It's worse from Virgin Mobile though, as the ad points out: Virgin customers will see a full 75p of their £3.00 spunked up against the wall by their operator. I wonder if that's because Virgin want their share along with whatever network they're currently piggybacking on top of?

If you ever find yourself wondering why the industry is actually rather backward, text donations are a perfect example. Obviously if you're donating to the Tsunami Appeal or anything high profile, the operators and the value chain will selflessly waive all fees. But in the cold light of day, anything that's unlikely to attract mainstream media attention is whacked for it's pound of flesh by each player -- from the operator to the various service providers involved.

There are excuses galore. It's quite costly to manage the whole billing and collections. We have to pay for the equipment. We have to fund our connection costs. All that jazz. It doesn't wash. It never has.

Another year goes by. Nothing changes. Highly disappointing.

If you do get the oppportunity to donate a few quid to Our Boys (and Girls) in the Services and, er, of course, the mobile industry, text 'Heroes' to 70099. I've just done so. (Spend it wisely, Vodafone.)
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

As a follow-up to the previous post, I wanted to post this one showing the breakdown of text revenue costs. Shame on you, Virgin Mobile. Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device

Continuing my exploration into the ironic joy that is the welcome text
from your operator, here's what I just received from Vodafone UK
having arrived in Hong Kong:

Welcome to HONG KONG. Calls cost 140ppm to make & 125ppm
to receive. SMS 35p + your home rate & max pic msg 161p. Data costs up
to £12.75 for 25MB. All prices excl VAT. Free price info on
http://live.vodafone.com/zr/sa1 or call +441635691700. Emergency svcs
112

So not much different from the USA, apart from the data bundle. At
least you can do a little more with 25mb. But £12.75 excluding VAT?
Oooof. That will do some damage to any month-end phone bill.

I suppose the per-meg charge (25mb/£12 pounds) is a heck of a lot
lower than the usual £4/meg you see around the place.

But what happens after 25mb, I wonder? I shall use the free price info
URL to find out.

Ok. I had a look. I have no idea.

Last week I saw the Vertu stand being constructed when I departed for Miami so I had a good old stare at the various models today prior to boarding.

One device that did catch me eye was the new QWERTY handset, the Vertu Constellation Coast -- I think I've got that right. The chap had a demonstration unit to show off and goodness me, I wouldn't mind one. Five thousand pounds though.

The good device doesn't appear that different (in terms of Symbian UI, keyboard layout) from a Nokia E61i that I used a long time ago. Of course Symbian's been upgraded a little and there's a few Vertu bells and whistles added in, like the timezone automatically adjusting the country you're in.

It's when you hold the device, though, that you really begin to appreciate the craftsmanship.

But £5,000? I wonder. Would you buy one?

Any Vertu owners amongst the readers?

Just got this in an email from a chap I'm hoping to meet up with in Hong Kong:

“There's certainly a lot to talk about given the region houses half the world's population and a mobile operator with more people on its network than there are living in the USA.”

Indeed.

That sentence rather eloquently outlines why I need to check out Asia (and the other emerging markets). I'm thoroughly looking forward to the trip.

The operator the chap is referring to? Gotta be China Mobile, right? Although some of the Indian networks could, I'm sure, stack up well.

In another carefully stage managed announcement by Apple, the UK mobile operators have now been allowed to sell iPads on contract.

And at £199 up front (with a £25 per month 24-month contract), I am sure there will be quite a few takers. Especially given the Christmas period almost upon us.

Who will be buying one?

I'm not sure this puts the Samsung Galaxy Tab in a good light as I haven't seen that available with such a decent subsidy yet.